There was one time I was driving at night and Fake Plastic Trees came on the radio and I completely broke down into tears and I kept seeing all the mistakes in my life flash by and I realized how alone I was and how empty I became.. that was one of the hardest nights of my life. Funny how one song can make you see how broken you are.

be careful what you sacrifice for the ones you love.. because if you end up being one of their sacrifices.. you may very well end up with all alone with nothing.

there’s no such thing as “real friends”.
everyone has their own selfish reasons for wanting you around when it’s convenient for them, and no matter how many times you’re there for them or put in the effort for them.. they don’t make time for you, lie to you and just fuck you over and treat you badly in the end.

I wish I were a better friend so my friends would invite me places.
I wish I were a better girlfriend so my boyfriend wouldn’t think I’m annoying.
I wish I were a better daughter so my mom would let me live with her and I could see my brother.

what do you do when you’re a burden on everyone in your life?

so I took a year off after graduating high school and waited until this year to go to university…

now I’m seriously regretting it. my friend who went to university last year added me to the group for my future grad year.. and the people i will be going to school with seem ridiculous… 

they’re making silly posts about drinking buddies and partying for frosh week, what video games people like, collaborating on art pieces, where to get a haircut locally…

basically the group is just narcissistic people using it as an excuse to talk about themselves.. when really it should be for asking school related questions.. not collecting as many friends as possible before we even get to school…

this all seems really foolish and i dont want any part of it.

I have been neglecting tumblr for real life and its been nice. and now its over.

I left North Carolina..
I went to Myrtle Beach and enjoyed the ocean.
Then I went to Atlanta and fell in love with the people.
I drove to D.C. and learned about this country.
I went to New York City and left my heart there.

Now I am in Canada and my old life feels like a dream..

I LIKE YOU AND YOU LED ME TO BELIEVE THE FEELING WAS MUTUAL AND NOW YOU DON’T GIVE A SHIT. thanks a lot.. i wish you weren’t so great. this isn’t very nice you know.

my bones are heavy and i’m getting sick again. 
i wish i could sleep all the time.. i also wish there was a way of making sure i wouldn’t have to dream when i went to sleep. they have a disobliging habit of making me more aware of the sad thoughts in the back of my mind that i would rather just forget.

i hate that feeling when you put your trust in someone and they slowly back away from you.. they give you countless reasons and apologies why they somehow no longer have the time to speak. i just wish honesty was more important. to simply say to someone that you do not have the desire to spend time on them any longer. it would actually be nicer i think.. than making them wonder.. allowing them to sit in the sadness.. confused. but that’s how it is when you are one million miles away from the people you love. the void gets smaller on their end.. soon you don’t matter very much anymore.. you don’t have anything to talk about with the people from your old life.. you become separate from each other entirely.. conversation becomes boring.. 

i feel like i’m stuck and i can’t move forward even though everything around me is actually moving very quickly.

i still love you no matter what. please have a good day.